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No comments on As I Was sitting here looking at my life of loss, abuse, neglect, abandonment and persecution to be ones slave. I realized, I have a choice. It’s my destiny to fill, not anyone else’s. I’m the avenue to a better me, as a person of persecution,to a person on a journey, to recognize myself as an angelic but sinner to serve as a daughter of my Lord and to be a good human being. My earth father loved me, but denied my right as a daughter, to be who I was. And I was differently different, from others. Now I know why, because I was autistic, but didn’t know it, as I explained, previously in blogs, and finally, I was diagnosed at 50. I just walked away from a father I always knew, because a occurrence of abuse from him, to myself. I will never, in a day, go back to the memories of my childhood, to see him again! I hope the Lord understands my reaction, and God, keep my soul from despair. I’m only human, I have not any siblings any longer either, due to my outward, 31 year abusive relationship, to now my dead ex husband. I know longer have children, due to my ex husband, their father. As I say this, they are getting ready at thus moment to lay him to rest. I can’t be there, nor want too, for my own mental health. So my love person J said, it’s just you and me, with conflicted noise coming from his deep baritone voice. I feel him envios, I suppose. But at thus time, I don’t care much. I choose me today, know one else, but me! I was supposed to be taken care of, by my ex, but he graciously changed his mind and put life insurance and all necessary supports, in our youngest daughter’s name. What a beautiful man he was? Not! So I’m going to struggle with his debt, know money, memory of a 31 year mental and physical abusive relationship. Oh my, how lucky I am! I I shouldn’t be surprised at all, but my naivete, gets the best of me, always. So what to do with thus mess 🤔 I was handed? Well first and foremost, change my thoughts. That is very difficult being autistic, either black and white thinking. But a must, I have to do,to survive. I’m my own person, I can look at it negatively, but who am I hurting? Not anyone else but myself. So I need to change again. Yuck, this is hard. I’m not seeing my father though, when he grabbed and shoved me multiple times, my little body was hurt physically and emotionally. I was such a good girl too all my life! But the man that is responsible for half of my DNA, is responsible for making me marry my ex. Because of a mistake I got pregnant and abuse from my new partner, almost started immediately. Well like father like son, that’s a story that is so deep and came out months ago, but will be hidden for the rest of my life, it broke the family unit apart. My family unit as I knew it, growing up, Destruction! I didn’t mean too, I’m sorry everyone. But I have a voice and my voice will be heard indifferent, all the same. I am my Mother’s daughter and will always be. That’s all I have to say about that. God bless everyone, take care of one self and be prepared for emotionally ups and downs this coming Christmas season. Take many moments of clarity and be one with the moment, at times. Because, we are all worth fighting for. God bless, and have a blessed weekend.

As I Was sitting here looking at my life of loss, abuse, neglect, abandonment and persecution to be ones slave. I realized, I have a choice. It’s my destiny to fill, not anyone else’s. I’m the avenue to a better me, as a person of persecution,to a person on a journey, to recognize myself as an angelic but sinner to serve as a daughter of my Lord and to be a good human being. My earth father loved me, but denied my right as a daughter, to be who I was. And I was differently different, from others. Now I know why, because I was autistic, but didn’t know it, as I explained, previously in blogs, and finally, I was diagnosed at 50. I just walked away from a father I always knew, because a occurrence of abuse from him, to myself. I will never, in a day, go back to the memories of my childhood, to see him again! I hope the Lord understands my reaction, and God, keep my soul from despair. I’m only human, I have not any siblings any longer either, due to my outward, 31 year abusive relationship, to now my dead ex husband. I know longer have children, due to my ex husband, their father. As I say this, they are getting ready at thus moment to lay him to rest. I can’t be there, nor want too, for my own mental health. So my love person J said, it’s just you and me, with conflicted noise coming from his deep baritone voice. I feel him envios, I suppose. But at thus time, I don’t care much. I choose me today, know one else, but me! I was supposed to be taken care of, by my ex, but he graciously changed his mind and put life insurance and all necessary supports, in our youngest daughter’s name. What a beautiful man he was? Not! So I’m going to struggle with his debt, know money, memory of a 31 year mental and physical abusive relationship. Oh my, how lucky I am! I I shouldn’t be surprised at all, but my naivete, gets the best of me, always. So what to do with thus mess 🤔 I was handed? Well first and foremost, change my thoughts. That is very difficult being autistic, either black and white thinking. But a must, I have to do,to survive. I’m my own person, I can look at it negatively, but who am I hurting? Not anyone else but myself. So I need to change again. Yuck, this is hard. I’m not seeing my father though, when he grabbed and shoved me multiple times, my little body was hurt physically and emotionally. I was such a good girl too all my life! But the man that is responsible for half of my DNA, is responsible for making me marry my ex. Because of a mistake I got pregnant and abuse from my new partner, almost started immediately. Well like father like son, that’s a story that is so deep and came out months ago, but will be hidden for the rest of my life, it broke the family unit apart. My family unit as I knew it, growing up, Destruction! I didn’t mean too, I’m sorry everyone. But I have a voice and my voice will be heard indifferent, all the same. I am my Mother’s daughter and will always be. That’s all I have to say about that. God bless everyone, take care of one self and be prepared for emotionally ups and downs this coming Christmas season. Take many moments of clarity and be one with the moment, at times. Because, we are all worth fighting for. God bless, and have a blessed weekend.

Amy L. Bailey

Writer and Blogger

Since 2022

As I was sitting
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